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May 18th, 2008
11:04 pm - Time Warp
So I have often been feeling like someone hit the reset button in my life and dropped me into 1996. Last night, thanks to the wonders of facebook, I came across a dear friend of mine from high school. This was one of my best friends from that time of life we spent a ton of time together my junior year and part of my senior year of high school. Then we were both off to college and just lost touch, as so often happens. This is someone about whom I have thought often over the years and it was great to be able to visit with him again. It turns out I still have a surprisingly large amount in common with him. We both seem to have grown in similar directions which is cool because as people grow and change they can move to very different places. I've tried getting back together with some other people and it just didn't work, but thankfully tonight we incredibly well. It was fun to catch up and hear about his life and to reminisce about old times. It was so easy spending time with him it was like it has only been a few months since the last time we hung out and not more than a decade.
It has been 12 years since last we saw each other last. Not only was it amazing to be able to get back in touch with him, but it turns out he lives less than 10 miles from where I'm currently living. It feels as though the universe is handing people back to me, as though somehow my Karmic wheel has spun significantly in my direction.
I lost so many people in my life over the past 10 or so years and it feels like a small miracle to be several of them back. I had really lost friends out of my life, for many years I only really had my family as the people I talked to in life. Now I'm rebuilding this wonderful network of folks in my life. I get so much out of having a variety of people in my life. All of them have something different that they contribute to my life. I have found this is a truly beautiful thing because I have different people to be there for different events in my life. I had lost this largely after high school and it feels wonderful to have it back.
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May 16th, 2008
06:56 pm - too much fun + not enough hair = getting "the talk" at 30
So two nights ago I went out with my friend with whom I enjoy playing and then last night I went out to dinner with Niall and my dad. Niall goes to give me a hug and says loudly:
"Mommy what is on your neck" which I try to play down as the bruising on my neck is a result of said playing
"nothing Niall it's fine Mommy is fine."
Niall will not give this up...
"but Mommy what happened, are you hurt mommy".
"No it's just a little bruise everything will be fine"
"but why do you have a bruise Mommy, how did you get hurt"
"Niall, everything is fine, eat your taco"
"I'm so sorry Mommy I hope you feel better soon"
Now this little discussion is taking place with my father across the table who has now taken a good look at my neck. I can almost watch on his face as the following details start to fall into place for him:
1. My parents know who I was out with two nights ago
2. My parents know who this person is as he is friend who've they've met before
3. My father know this person isn't Bill the other person who I've mentioned to my parents that I am dating, and hence he knows I'm engaging in activities they would not consider appropriate for having with more than one person at a time
4. I've not told my parents I'm in any way "involved" with this friend, and hence for about the past 2 months they have not batted an eyelash at things I've said such as "hey I'm going to go out camping with my friend this weekend".
So then on the drive home I get the closest thing to a "sex talk" I've ever received from my father. Here I am 30 years old, I've been married, I have a child and my father starts talking to me about boys and what they may want/expect. He even tells me that I have to be careful about letting a boy pay for dinner because he's going to want something in return. He warns me that I have to be careful and he is concerned about me "dating" because there is often an expectation for sex without a committed relationship these days. He says doesn't want to see me in a situation where I'm being used by a boy because people just use each other these days for personal pleasure instead of having real relationships.
This last statement sort of, no actually, really bothers me because I do have real relationships with the people I'm seeing, I just don't have conventional or exclusive relationships at this time. Just because my friend isn't my boyfriend doesn't mean that I don't care very deeply for him because I do. The other person I'm dating regularly is also a great person whose company I very much enjoy. While I'm certainly getting a great deal of pleasure out dating, I don't feel like I'm being used and I'm certainly not using either of them for strictly sexual enjoyment, and even if I was, as long as everyone involved is cool with it what's wrong with that? A discussion I would have been much more open to having with my father if my 4 year old were not in the back seat. I'm sure I'll be getting back to him about this at some point in the near future. The fact that I can have these kinds of discussions with my dad is an amazing thing in and of itself and says a lot about the quality of our relationship.I could see on my dad's face he wanted me to say something to assure him that I'm not sexually active with anyone. All I could say was "Dad it's okay, I promise I'm being safe" which was not what he was looking to hear.
In all my years as a teenager, never once did either of my parents approach this subject with me, then I suppose I didn't do a lot of dating as a teen, so it was odd to hear this conversation now. I know I had some catching up to do what with my ultra conservative and boring teens and twenties, but I didn't expect the awkward parent sex talk to come along with it. Now all I need is to find an excuse to wear a prom dress and convince someone to wear a tux and take me out in a limo and I should be set.
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May 13th, 2008
08:50 pm - Being a responsible grown-up
A brief warning: A post about a medical procedure and to a lesser degree my sex life, perhaps TMI for some readers.
I saw my doctor today and I had an IUD inserted, this was not the most enjoyable of procedures. Although it only took about 15 minutes, it was 15 deeply uncomfortable minutes. The process involved a series of instruments that looked like they belonged on the set of a movie where unfortunate things happen to young and gorgeous people. One would think that they could make those things look a little less terrifying. I've been told that I can expect some additional cramping/bleeding over the next few days, but so far it hasn't been so bad, again just some discomfort.
As I said it was only a few minutes of discomfort and it is 10 years of solid birth control that is statistically as effective as tubal ligation. The net cost comes out to about 6 dollars a YEAR. It is also the most effective way to be responsible about my reproductive health without manipulating my hormone levels, and that is something about which I absolutely need and want to be responsible. After being away from birth control pills for about 6 or 7 months I cannot imagine going back on them again. They flatten my affect, lower my energy levels, and severely dampen my libido. Plus there is the whole having to be on top of taking a pill every day at the same time, remembering to re-fill the prescription in a timely manner, paying more per month than this option comes out to cost in a year, and this is fully effective immediately. I also have the added bonus of knowing that I can keep myself from an unwanted pregnancy and not contribute to the increasing levels of hormones in the general water supply.
It is too bad that more American doctors don't discuss this an option with their patients. As it was, out of about 20 ob/gyn doctors in my HMO medical group, the guy I saw today is the only doctor who performs this procedure. I have a follow up in 3 weeks just to make sure everything looks good and that is the last I will have to worry about it for another 10 years.
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08:49 pm - Hungry for love, ready to drown, so tie down the sails tonight we're going downtown
I cannot begin to express how much I love The Mountain Goat's album "We Shall Be Healed". While "The Sunset Tree" will always hold a special place in my heart and be deeply important to me, "We Shall Be Healed" is my favorite of their albums. The Mountain Goats are playing at First Fridays in June and I'm extremely excited at the chance to see one of my very favorite bands in a show at the natural history museum!
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May 12th, 2008
09:46 pm - Books!
I'm up late for me tonight and for reasons I've not yet put my finger on I'm feeling deeply sentimental and I just finished reading the most amazing little book, it is entitled "Of Love and Other Demons" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Marquez is one of my favorite authors, he would be in my top three favorite living authors list. This little novel, only 147 pages long, is a gem of a book. There is so little in this world that brings me the degree of joy that reading something incredibly well written does. There is something about the human talent of using written language to bring a story and a character to life that I find so deeply moving (I warned you I was feeling sentimental). So go out and get this book, heck borrow it from me if you like, and give yourself a few hours to spend with a living literary master and the hauntingly beautiful characters he's created.
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07:11 am - Trying to keep the universe from imploding or why Jon may be growing a goatee
One of the boys I have been dating* has reminded me a little of my brother Jon since I first met him. It turns out the more I talk to Bill (said boy) and the more I talk to Jon I am beginning to realize that Bill may just be alternate universe Jon. I had initially attributed the similarities to the general likes and dislikes of the nerd community, then I was in a store with Jon and I was trying to remember a series of books Bill had recommended. The conversation went as follows:
Me: Jon do you know this series of books, damn I can't remember the name, but the author is dead and there are 12 or 13 of them...
Jon: (laughing) "The Wheel of Time" series
Me: Yep that's it
Jon: You realize now we must fight to the death
This was further amplified when I went over to Bill's place last night and the evening was largely spent watching an episode of Supernatural and playing 2 hours of Mario Kart.
Jon has in fact come to the conclusion that one of them must grow a goatee and should they ever meet, they must fight to the death to prevent the immanent destruction of the universe. Which makes me a little sad because I like Bill, he makes me cookies (I mean come on you go to a boy's place and he's baking your favorite type of cookies as you walk in the door now often does that happen) and I would hate to see him die. For the sake of the universe and my social life I suppose I shall have to make sure they never meet.
* That's right "one of". It turns out that being a reasonably cute, single girl, who is looking to date and who has access to the internet is the adult equivalent of being a kid in a candy store. Have I mentioned being a grown-up rocks!
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April 23rd, 2008
04:12 pm - My Travels
My trip out to the Midwest was fantastic! As always it was great to see Becca and spend some time with her. She is one of those people who always seems to charge my batteries. More and more as an adult I realize just how lucky I am to have such a great relationship with my sister. It was also wonderful to see Eric again. He has been doing better and he appeared to happier, more energetic, and hopeful than I have seen him in months. We went through such dark times earlier this year, it is good to see a smile on his face. When I was last out there I was so consumed with the pain of my failing marriage and it was during my last visit that I really came to terms with the fact that I could not go back to that relationship. I had a full panic attack and Eric stayed up with me until about 3 in the morning until I calmed down enough to be able to sleep. His support and friendship were an integral part of my getting the strength to make the changes in my life that I needed. This is the first time I was able to be out there and enjoying myself without the anxiety of knowing that I was going to face a punishment of sorts when I returned home. It was so nice to just have fun with my friend, to be happy and relaxed, and to just be able to enjoy his company. Hopefully he can make it out here over the summer for a visit. One of the fun things we did was go see the movie “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”. I enjoyed this film way more than I had anticipated. I cannot remember the last time I laughed that much in a film. It was funny and touching. The humor was often self-referential and meta, which I love. I would highly recommend it. We also ate a ton of great food, my favorite of the weekend being this chocolate bread pudding we got at this little Italian place. They served us this huge wedge of bread pudding made up of a chocolate bread, so it was chocolate but not too sweet. It was presented in a small lake of the most incredibly delicious caramel sauce. It was clearly homemade and the perfect balance of butter, burnt sugar, and salt flavors. That sauce would be fantastic anything. I also got to play some miniature golf. Miniature golf is one of my favorite activities, I’m terrible at it, but I always have a great time. Eric is a dear for the times he’s been talked into playing with me. This particular mini-golf course was incredibly run down. Most of the paint had worn off of the wooden decorations, several parts of the course were a little overgrown, the mechanical bits (like the windmill) were not working. It gave the course this wonderful combination of a child’s play area and decay. It was that mix of the delightful and the morbid that I adore. The flights, aside from being inconvenient in traveling to Indiana via Atlanta, were uneventful, which is all I ask for in a flight. I actually got some sleep on them as well. It was good to be actually looking forward to coming home at the end of a trip. I went on a trip with my only motive being that there were people I loved and missed and whom I wanted to see. I wasn’t going to escape or get away from my life at home. I left with a happy heart from seeing my sister and my best friend, and I arrived home happy to get back to the life that I’m enjoying.
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April 22nd, 2008
12:48 am
I'm back home from my travels to the Midwest. Sleeping now, more posting about the trip tomorrow.
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April 19th, 2008
10:39 am
Seriously, I leave from California to Chicago for vacation and they have an earthquake out here, in the midwest. Apparently it was around a 5.4 and was felt across Illinois, Indiana, Missouri, and Kansas.
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April 17th, 2008
01:35 pm - Jennifer has died of Dysentery
I don't feel well today and I hereby apologize for the following whining. I had to drive to Van Nuys today, that was OC to the Valley, back to Inland Empire, and then back to OC again. I'm also getting on a plane tonight, and in general I just want to lie down in a dark room and have someone pet my head. This is the fourth time in the past two weeks that I've had some rather severe GI distress. The first two times I thought, maybe I have food poisoning, but now I'm beginning to think my internal organs may be under attack by some tiny organisms. I do have a doctor's appointment already scheduled on Tuesday so if I make it back from the Midwest intact I'll have to take advantage of that 21st century medicine.
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